MY empty brain

My brain is getting empty and empty.
Not talking bout study k!
I start to forget old memories.
Mayb it should be "deleting" not forget.
Can U make them different?
Forget is due to aging, time flying or they are not meaningful memories?
Deleting means to be intended to forget something that is unwanted, hurtful, hated and embarrassed?

Sometimes I think it's good for me leave my hometown.
I can just throw away all the problems facing with family, and get the so called freedom!
At the same time, i have to miss the moments being happy with family.
There is throw and catch!

At first, I tried my best to keep contacting my family my friends in malaysia.
But still, there is a GAP that separate myself and them.
I can feel the topic is less compared to old time.
Even i shared my feeling with them, they might not understand, they can't see me, can't really feel me.
I am not blaming anyone here, that is the fact.
Mayb the relationship is not strong enough..
I can't imagine if he is not with me, what is happening now?

So, I clear the memories, to avoid homesick!
I think i don't really delete them, mayb just store in another side of brain?? XD
When i go back, i will refresh them? hihi..
I hope when i go back, i won't feel the relationship changing..hope everything will back to the basic or getting better..
I realised that i used a lot of ?????? ..cos too many unknowns!!
But i am neutral now.. i still don't like germany, but at least won't hate it
SMILE!!

my smile is not sweet, cos i can't smile wide due to my big face =.='''

Long journey

This is the longest journey in my life.
Although primary and secondary schooling took 11years to be completed.
But there were lots of fun, laugh and cry.
A lot of gossip, stories and subjects to work with.
Everyday spent only half of a day in school and then back to lovely home.
escape from cooking my own meal, cleaning my own room, washing my own clothes blablabla..
When i was young, i told my mum : I wanna study oversea, I don't want to stay at here!

Now i only need 1 and a half year to complete my degree in Germany, but it is a longest and boring journey!
Mum, I wanna stay at home!

不对的相遇

我们本来就是两个世界的人
不应该相遇
不应该认识
更加不应该了解

了解了
又怎样
看着你的变化
真的让我死心
更加让我对人间的丑恶觉得更失望

太恐怖了
怎么会这样

说一套做一套
现在的你
和其他不相干，其他你以前看不过眼的人没什么两样
你所谓的原则呢？
不见了？
被自己的欲望蒙盖了？
还是
这就是你？

越来越恶心
难道你觉得别人不懂你改变
别人觉得你好？
自信是达到自己定的要求
而不是去符合别人的要求
也许新认识你的人就会认定你现在的人为吧
我接收不到

你让我相信电视剧里面的离谱情节
谢谢
我会有防范
可能将来会遇到更恐怖的
可是
我还是宁愿不曾有这个“不对的相遇”

1st and also the last oral exam

HUH~~~
Finally i am done with my oral exam in germany.
My speaking is bad, i think my friends knew it.
I seldom do presentation in classes.
I seldom speak in english or even malay.
My mandarin also campur english, malay, cantonese ...

I think i tend to imitate what i saw in my life----drama, people, movie, sound....
I don't even know who i am, what is my characteristic and my own unique pattern.
Where is the original ME?

back to the topic~
I was very worried bout the oral exam, i was worried that the lecturer couldn't understand me.
Finally i did it~
But it didn't ended with good conclusion.
I can't answer the last question. He gave me a lot of hints, but still i can't!
I stuck there, and felt helpless, my tear automatically started rolling in my eyes like *kitty eyes*
then he stopped asking.
he asked me to wait outside for the result.
Once i stepped out of the room, my tear dropped, nonstop..uncontrollable!
When they asked me to go in again, I had to really tahan the tear, acted very steady and strong, but i guessed he saw it! embarrassing!
The result is much better than what i expected...

My tear become weaker and weaker after i came to Germany..may be it's due to home-sick and dependency to my hubby.
I must be stronger~
Trust yourself, only you yourself can decide everyth~~

say yeah!

How ss i'm? hihi

bubble pop

Studied in these few days, i totally ignored my blog~
Keep repeating this song- bubble pop by Hyuna..
my hubby started to like hyuna..=(
She is sexy, no doubt!
and quite special, as she is not a fair lady like other korean girls..

Today hubby asked me, why u looked so steady during exams?
cos i don't like last minute work and studied like hell..
I like to spend little of time everyday to study, and relax
in last minute, it's better for me to prepare my mood to be ready for exam, not my brain.
i want to smile when sitting in the exam, wear nicely and forget everyth before the moment i enter the exam room.
I don't read anyth before enter the examination room, just to calm myself down..
that's why i don't discuss with my friends, cos i always believe i will be able to remember everyth i read before once i enter the room.
if i discuss with them, and i forgot the answer, i will be panic then..
kind of cheating to myself ya..hmm

bubble bubble bubble pop~~~~

笑个不停

昨天，我和bb说了一系列冷笑话。
bb说，他妈的，谁在summer会开heizung（热气箱），结果我很冷的回答，先生，我就是你那个“他妈的”！
两个人就笑起来了。。。
还有好多好多，就一直笑个不停。
是蛮白痴的，尤其是外人看，应该觉得我俩傻了

常常两个人都因为一些无聊的事情笑起来打起来。朋友也是一样，家人也是如此。
因为我们在意的不是那个所谓的笑话，而是对象!
一个不在意的人对我说那番话，我应该骂他，我怕冷，关你屁事！

可是有种职业是逗人笑的，那就是创造笑话，是例外啦。。。

大家，一齐笑吧！！哈哈哈。。。