The beginning

The beginning of love is always perfect. I like people announce me about their new partners. i enjoy listening to their story, how they get together, how they know each other. It’s so lovely. And I feel so happy. Congratulation!!

If the beginning of love is not happy?? This is one of the possibilities also. If you don’t make a wonderful beginning, there will be no love story. When you watch a movie, if the beginning is not nice, you won’t continue watching it. But, still, there are some exceptions. Example, if you have bought your ticket to cinema, no matter how bad is the beginning of the movie; you will still need to complete it as you have paid for it. Unless, money is not a problem for you, or you think that throwing away the ticket to go and buy another new ticket for another movie is better and worthy. Or you like the actors or directors; you believe that the movie is interesting except the introduction.

For me, I will have to continue watching the movie, not because I don’t want to throw away the ticket, but the door of the cinema is locked! I need to watch it. But the story is damn shit! At last, I sleep in the cinema, ignore the movie. I no longer care how it goes. What I care is how to get out from the cinema.

No matter how bad is the end of the story, we will remember the good beginning of it, right? That will be good memory for us… Make it fun make it fantastic to make it a love story…

梦醒的眼泪

曾不曾睡醒时眼睛很痛很痛，还会有泪水？

脑袋是清醒的，记得刚才发过什么梦。或许那根本就不是梦，而是你在想着不开心的事情。在你要睡醒的时刻，在意识力半清醒的时候，自己想了一些让你不开心的事情，或者是回忆，自己制造属于自己的梦，而为自己哭泣。

每个人看到笑容就以为你真的开心，只有你在睡前或醒前才知道你自己是不是开心的。梦醒的眼泪是控制不到的。它是很真诚得掉下，如果你忘记那个“梦”，你也会记得那种感觉。

我不懂怎样解释这种感觉，只知道常常睡醒眼睛都是刺痛，心也是痛的！我现在是早上八点，乘我还记得梦的故事时，写下我的感想。我相信这次的梦应该是因为我太久没哭泣，把自己所有不开心都压抑着吧！很怀疑自己既是变得这么不开心？因为梦里的全都是以前的记忆。现在的记忆就只是不开心，没至于到伤心啦！哈哈。。。

在梦里，我看会以前的我，以前开心的事，对自己沾沾自喜！到了尾段，记起现在的我，对自己极度失望。可是我现在没的选择，因为决定权已不在我手中。

所以大家不要压抑自己的情绪，大声哭，释放所有的不开心，最好就找个聆听者，愿意听听你的倾诉。聆听者不介意你的故事有多精彩，只是去感受你的感觉，分担你的痛苦，当然也可以分享喜乐！哈哈。。。

吃着苹果，写着blog的我，没有再哭泣了。我的聆听者在KL忙着工作，才把我搞成这样！二姐大姐，我要快点回家。。。

Shopping!!

I love shopping!!
i wana go out everyday just to escape from studying...
I want shopping, but i don't have money...=(

The things here are not too expensive if u didn't convert to RM..
But.. i know i must save my money..i need to save money...
now i decide to plan my money expenses.

200euro for hostel and ALICE internet access.
74euro for insurance.
50euro for food.
50euro for shopping.
then 1 month needs 375euro = 400euro!
hohoho...i can travel sometimes..hehe...
400 X 12 = 4800euro.
I still got money left...yeah yeah!
so pandai!!

爱美是女人的天性，这种与生俱来的特质首先为女性消费的扩大提供了可能。就像电影《购物狂》中所说：“购物狂是很漂亮的，购物狂是很开心的，购物狂是很好玩的。”现实生活中，许多女人认为自己有天生购物狂的基因存在，开心时购物，失恋时购物，无聊时购物……女人对购物近乎疯狂的喜爱和多数男人对逛街的厌恶相映成趣。

“这件，这件，这件，还有这件……这些挑出来的不要，其他的统统给我包起来”。《天生购物狂》里许小凤扮演的陆小凤，前呼后拥闭店扫货令人震撼的这一幕，真不知是多少女性心中的人生理想。英文“shopping”一词，先后被中国人译为“烧瓶”“血拼”——这种翻译基本已经达到了信、达、雅的境界，十足地表现了女人进入商场以后的疯狂和惨烈。

　　德国明斯特大学的科学家们通过研究得出结论称：逛街购物可令女性失去正常的思维能力甚至是神魂颠倒。据负责此项研究计划的戴普博士表示：“我们在研究中还发现，看中的东西越昂贵，女顾客就会变得越不理智。而且，当买到一样异常昂贵、价格超过平时正常购买力的商品时，购买者正常的思维能力便几乎可以降到零点”。

说到女人的购物需求，最近英国一本时尚杂志的调查结果作了最好的注脚——女人每5秒就要想到一次购物，这种痴迷甚至超过了与自己的伴侣相处。似乎每一个女人都是天生的购物狂。那么，女性与购物之间到底有着怎样的天然联系呢?

What I am doing??

What I am doing now is stupid!haha…

I right click my mouse to make the right click box touches the bottom line. U can try this when u r extremely free…

Just continue right clicking from the top to down until you find a limit where the box pops out from the top of your mouse pointer. Then u try an error to make the box touches the bottom line of your taskbar.

Stupid? I did it many times…

Talking & Listening

I love to talk! And I love to listen. But honestly I prefer talking rather than listening.

I realize 1 thing. Most of the people like to talk in order to listen to other people.

Sometimes, when I am talking, I notice that he is not listening to me with patient. Or he shows no interest with what I am talking. Then, what for I continue talking to air? So I stop talking to him. Rude? Yeah, I am rude =P

Nobody likes to listen to other people’s thing with no voice out. Yeah, you may show your opinion, but not to hurt me or to against me. Maybe I am wrong! But you can show me the correct way after I talk. As a good listener, the best way is to listen and agree WHEN I AM TALKING! Because, I am angry, sad or happy when I am talking. I just need a quiet listener whom I share my thing with. I don’t need your advice when I am talking. Just SILENT!

After I calm down or not so hyperactive, you can speak out your mind. Then it’s time for me to listen and process. I can accept your opinion at this time, better than you give stupid idea or make some jokes when i am not in the right mood. This should be the correct communication way right?

Sometimes, he talks nonsense and bored me. But, I will respect you and listen to you quietly. Unless you are scolding me!! Haha...BUT, when that is my turn to talk, and you never respect me, then I won’t listen to you next time! You are just a guy who likes to talk bullshit! Listen to others if you want people to listen to you

I am happy and glad that my friend and family are listening to me when I have problems. But not every time. Timing is important for a good conversation. Right time, right mood, right condition and right place.

You must appreciate you listener because it’s really hard to find a listener…

自私

每个人都是自私的。如果你能找到一个不愁回报又愿意和你有难同当的朋友，请珍惜他！

他愿意煮饭给大家吃，没有怨谁功劳大，没计较那么多。

他愿意去你房间“妈婆”，没有介意距离多远，携带自己的用品有多麻烦。

他不介意长气的告诉你重要的东西。

他担心你迟到。

他害怕你生气他。

他和你分享他所知道的，没有私意。

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应该还有很多的例子，你们有时也会发现到吧！

可是现实生活有几个这样的他？我也无能全部都做到。

在我生命，反而我看见很多自私的行为，人的丑态！

那种天天说“这是我的”“我为什么要这样？”“你又没有那样”

不然就是“来我房吧！比较大比较爽”明明就是自己懒得收拾东西，谁都喜欢住自己房啊

再狠一点就“如果我是你，我就会这样”其实就是希望你那样，别和我抢！

最近更生气，住宿这里有一个法国人，天天笑笑和我们谈天。结果那天警告我不可以煮饭给朋友吃，厨房里不可以有其他不住在这栋住宿的人在，甚至是厨房只能给住在这一层的人用。气到我。。。！！！！笑里藏刀！现在还特地粘个英文纸条在厨房大门。我们三个原本就住得很靠近，只是天天煮三人分的食物，这也有得罪你吗？是你自己自私，要把我们赶走，自己霸占厨房。是你懒得等我们煮三人分的时间。是你没有朋友和你一起煮。是我们不够凶猛，你才赶来警告我们。 哈哈。。。那我也长得很亲切嘛！！ =P

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也应该有很多的例子，你们有发现到吗？

有几个直接，真心的人啊？ 那法国人也算直接的一个了。。。可是看他平常那笑嘻嘻的样子就想揍他。

很开心自己不是苯的。还懂得分辨这种假惺惺的人。

很开心有时看见朋友的好。我相信自己不要对不起别人，别人也不会衰吧！直接说出来解决也不会有心结。。

你生命里有真诚的朋友吗？还是自私的你根本就不欣赏不注重这样的朋友？

Changes

Changes

Yeah, everything has changed. But u didn’t want to accept it.

The relationship has changed, and so the feel.

What you are doing now is forcing, not loving.

You didn’t use your sincere heart to love me.

All the while, you just love yourself too much that you only want your life goes smoothly.

But I don’t! I want my life go smoothly but with right person right thing, not to force myself to stay happy with someone who don’t love me.

This type of relationship has maintained for more than half year. Don’t you feel tired of it?

Why you never think of my feeling? I am so tired of it. I gave chance for you to change but you only get worse. What I am thinking, what I am doing, u never listen to me with patience. You never give good response to me. What I see from your eyes is all the impatience, annoying, and ignoring.

You make my life messy. You make me getting stress and stress. You make me live unhappily. I can’t share my stuff with you. I can’t share my problem. I can’t release stress when I am with you. I am totally sad.

What you did is disappointing me.

Maybe it’s my fault. I am the one who always take the first step. I am the one who just like to talk so much until I exceed the limit of topic. I am the one who always think “that is never mind, sharing is caring. Be straight forward” In fact, not everyone likes the true story. Some people like to cheat themselves. Some people like the hidden stuff. THEN, WHAT”S WRONG FOR ME TO WAIT FOR THE “STRAIGHT FORWARD AND TRUE” GUY??

It’s not matching! We are not from the same world. You may find a better girl. And I always think that you can.

Please let me go if you never think of changing and discussing. Please chase me back if you really love me… I am just a simple girl who want a guy who really love me..

第三者

七早八早牙还没刷就写blog了。昨晚看了一集关于第三者的戏。

里头一个人劝告第三者：“你为什么要去做每个人都不会认同的第三者呢？”

那女生回答道：“我有没有去抢，如果他们够稳固，我根本没地方介入！我，只是用我的时间和青春去等待。”

到底在三角关系里头，谁对谁错呢？

够稳固就不会被破坏？如果没有任何主动和暗示，第三者真的回来破坏吗？当中时不时有人希望这段感情被破坏？

有时真的不是做好自己做好本分就不会被破坏。很多东西都是双方的，要另一方的他也认同你才是安全的。他把持不住并不是因为第三者的强，而是他开始去争取他要的。第三者也只是用信用时间去等待他给的下一个提示下一个机会。听下去好香好无辜哦！在一人相处中不怀好意就是他的错。

最可怜的应该是，被抛弃的都不知道自己的死罪是什么！无原无故，毫无征兆就出现了第三者，就当他们已经发展到无可收拾时自己就被淘汰了。多无辜多可悲！至少也要给他一个机会去改变去争取啊！如果真的平时做到不好，也应该有个memo通知吧！

算来算去都不懂事谁对谁错，我只是支持有爱情的感情！（可是我还是觉得那位一脚踏两船的最错！因为它完全没亏本也完全没付出）=P

真挚的爱情也许真的有牺牲有付出。

第三者不知出现在爱情里。任何地方任何事情任何人物。。。往往都会有第三者介入。千万要小心，别遇到太过奸的就好了！哈哈。。。

谢谢阅读！！

Life in Germany

It is damn cold here. (for me lah =P)

The people here are really friendly, practicing my “halo” and “tchuss” all the way. With the cold and dry weather here, I hope I can become fair and have smoother skin. Hohoho…Anyway, it is really too dry until my lip’s breaking, hair’s breaking, and also my leg. Lotion lotion lotion everyday…1 thing that makes me happy is L’oreal here is cheap! And some other brands. Need to use these branded shampoo and lotion to protect myself.hehe…Head & shoulder, pantene, and nivea are quite expensive at here. What I used in Malaysia and here is totally different.

There are some call shops here. After converting to ringgit Malaysia, it is still expensive. I think my family call me by using youth club maxis is much cheaper. But they seldom call me. =(  maybe I always leave Kuching. They get used with it already. =(

Every day, we have to walk here and there to settle our things. Walk to the bank, walk to school, walk to the shops….damn tired! My leg is going to have big muscle. I stayed with yennleng. (not same room not same house, just same building haha) Me, yennleng and xianglea(hubby) cook every day. We argue all the time in the kitchen. So we close the kitchen door to avoid disturbing the others. Until now, we haven’t cook a really delicious lunch or dinner. But we do cook some “chao ta” or “bbq” vegetable. We do cook “Extra” spicy noodle. We do cook “extra” salty spaghetti (actually I am the chef for this). And we do buy the wrong ingredient!! Haha… the oyster sauce and the soya sauce are totally different with ours in malaysia. They are not salty or sweet. We need to buy new sauce from the Asia Markt. The things in the Asia Markt are expensive. Haiz…  We wait and see! After 1 month, I think 3 of us would be better in cooking. Haha…

Every time I buy things, I will convert the price to ringgit Malaysia. Then I won’t be spending too much. Haha…I hope what I bought can tahan for 1 year. And also my laptop. Please, be strong ya!

The train here is punctual. We don’t need to wait too long for the train. Or maybe few of us wait together that makes us think that the time is short. We went to Köln last weekend (10-10-2010). It was beautiful. We went to the castle. We went to the kirche (church). It was so big and I liked the design of the building. We went to choco museum. Hehe… I bought “some” choco. That was so interesting. The museum has the same concept with our petro saints in KLCC.  There were some simple games and little adventures.

By the way, we need to start writing our thesis in this semester. We don’t have much time to travel. But, we can go back to Malaysia earlier. Hehe… I am happy that I can go back early. But I am not happy that I can’t go travelling. And my parent will be happy that I can save their money. Haha…

worry

I am so worried about my thesis.
When the lecturer asked 1 by 1 for our thesis title or just thesis field, i can only say : I have no idea now.
So he wanted to see me later.
So afraid.
So worried.
I have no idea with my thesis title.
I am not interested in any field.
I am getting lazy now.
So i changed my handbag to my adidas backpack to remind myself : u must work hard now! Struggle hard like how u did last time.
Stupid action! but i hope it do function.

So blur....

Before I leave

I wrote this on 2^nd October when I was still unable to get my internet access. I wanted to share my days before I leaved Malaysia to Germany. I had my last part time job in construction fair at PWTC. I met some new friends and also a kuching girl. She was very funny and talkative. I was wondering that kuching girls were always talkative and hyperactive? Haha… This was a easy job which I just needed to fill up the goodie bag and distributed them to guest.

After this job, I went sing-k with hubby, my sisters and her bf- ahpek. Ah pek is a good singer. I fell in love with his voice ONLY!, especially when he used to sing MJ’s song. Damn nice.. but of course not as good as him. Mj really has a very creative composing mind and also great vocal. He has fantastic dancing skill that really attracts a lot of fans. And my mom bought me a VCD of him (but it is pirated vcd..). My eldest sister – dajie can sing very well too. I think she has the genetic from my daddy. Why not me? Haha… me and my er jie didn’t sing so well, hopefully there was no complain from our neighbors. When dajie sang coco lee’s song, wow..it was really amazing, I enjoyed it very much! Dajie should be joining Astro singing contest. Hehe..lastly my hubby..he …he…he… a bit..a bit… a bit… not so well in singing..just “a bit” haha… but I still enjoyed his singing which really can make me laugh..buek =P my “jay- hubby”.

Then, I went for shopping with my very ex-roomate – Suzane before my parent came to KL. She was still funny like the old time. She was my close roommate in Matriculation. We always shared our stories and fun together in the room. I think she has slim down, haha… But, she was still love to eat.. We shopped for her friends’ birthday present and also ate lunch together. She spent me a nice lunch with durian dessert…Thank you, Suzane! Love~~

Next trip was genting with parent, sister and ah pek. Ah pek became the cameraman for our whole trip. Hoho….This was the 1^st time we drove to the top of genting due to the renovation of skyway. Ah peh was so happy to drive like this.hmm.. Anyway there were a lot of renovation works doing there. Sad.. We have lost our rm50 in Casino. Wuwuwu… We spent a morning in genting, then we took our lunch at seoul garden. The food was quite nice, but I think Korean BBQ at penang was nicer. I loved kimchi so much and the BBQ pork! At night, we went visiting da jie at seremban. She was working at Samsung. They ate “hei go” for the first time. But everyone was full of Korean food in the afternoon, the dinner was too much for all of us. Hehe..This reminds everyone of you to take your meal on time. 11.30am for lunch and 5.30pm for dinner. Take care of your health!

Farewell at airport! I didn’t cry at all because I was too excited to go to Germany. Hehe…Thanks to xoei, june, shin wang, xianloong, ronghua, brother tee and chunwah for coming. Hope to meet with you guys soon…. And also thanks to yinfen, mokkian and zhengji for calling me. I appreciated it a lot. You are really my good friends! Thanks to khaisean, sihoong,ronghua, wenbing, mokkian and suzane for the lovely messages.. Danke! I will take care of myself and also my hubby. Daddy mummy, bye bye liao.. must take care of your health ya.. I wanna see healthy daddy mummy waiting for me at the airport after 1 year. Er jie, thanks also. You have taken 2 days leaves for me. Da jie, I know that you want to take leave to send me to airport also. Love you! And Ah pek also, thank you!

My tears drop when I am writing this blog. Finally I cry. It is because it is everything from my heart. I miss you guys…It is now 7.50am.